Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Reasons Why We Homeschool and More


Tonight, James and I were again faced with an awkward moment. A person, who we know is not fond of homeschooling, asks Isaac in front of us, "So how old are you? Are you going to school this year?" Isaac just smiles and shrugs his shoulders. But James and I don't say a thing. Just laugh. I guess we weren't prepared to get into it at that moment. So that night, I told him I've been wanting to post reasons why we homeschool on my blog. These were in a nutshell, a few reasons we came up with.

-More time to spend with kids means more time to share God’s Word with them.
-We can freely incorporate the Bible into their curriculum.

-We can shelter (not isolate) them from evils. They can be taught and exposed to evils with guidance.

-Closer bond as a family unit.

-Give us flexibility. Sometimes schooling is life. We can stop on the “book work” and focus on what is really important---like perhaps spending time with a grandparent. Take children along to help with benevolent work.

-My child’s performance is not based on a standardized test. How he did or felt that day.

-Not limited to state and govt rules. We can stress what we want our children to learn. We are not pressured by upcoming testing.

-We can help our child excel in certain areas, and help him in his weaker subjects at his own pace.

-Learning more tailored to their needs and learning styles.

Teacher student ratio is smaller!

-Can focus on a child’s interests. If Isaac wants to do a Unit Study on something he is really, really interested in, we can do that!

-We can learn through everyday life and hands on skills---gardening, shopping, chores, projects with  Daddy.

-Homeschool camp. Reason enough! ;)

-Socialization is learning to get along, work together, and help others. Basically the golden rule will get you far.

-Not limited to an age group. Siblings learn together.

Evil companions corrupt good morals. I’m not expecting my children to seek and save the lost yet. They need to be grounded first.

-I get to watch them learn!


Now I want to share with you some words that are not our own. I've included some excerpts from one of my favorite homeschool blogs. www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com Here are some reasons for homeschooling that she gave. I couldn't have said it better, so just read her words.

                                Confessions on The Opportunity Homeschooling gives…
The opportunities for spiritual, character, academic, social, and family time when homeschooling are AWESOME! I truly believe the traditional American family is disintegrating. Its too easy to get caught up in the business of this world, running from one activity to the next … or whatever takes up our time…(blogging, LOL!) We can become so busy running around we forget to actually spend time together. Homeschooling affords our family the precious commodity of time. Time spent together, and frankly that’s really what our kids want from us, our time. It breaks my heart when I hear people say they can’t wait for school to start again, as if their kids are burdens. I sometimes feel that if my kids were in school I could get so much done! But I’m quickly reminded that ‘me time’ isn’t in the Bible, well it is, its just referred to as ‘selfishness’. Then I am reminded how quickly time passes, and how few years we have our children with us before they move on to their own lives. If the average person lives say 85 years, then the 18 years our kids spend with us is less than 1/4 of their lives. I don’t want to look back and think I didn’t spend enough time with them, and 3 hours a day just isn’t enough for me. (Julie here- I want to add right here that sometimes "me time" is okay. You need some alone time for sanity purposes, but I think you get the point she was trying to make.)
                                             Confessions On socialization…
I think I misunderstand the word socialization as that the notion that spending time with 30 other 6 year olds is in some way ‘socializing’ my child. I read in an article by Manfred B Zyskthis comment: “Go to your local middle school, junior high, or high school, walk down the hallways, and tell me which behavior you see that you think our son should emulate.” LOL! I looked up the word ‘socialization’ and found some disturbing things. I do not want to ‘convert or adapt my children to the needs of society’. I do want them to be able to function in our society, but that does not mean they need to be assimilated into society like the Borg. We are in this world, but not of this world.

 Confessions On goals for our children…

We asked ourselves “What do we want our children to look like when they’ve finished their formal education? In Luke 2:52 it says “And Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature, and in favor with God and men.” We want them to learn to trust in the Word of God, to have it hidden in their heart. We want to train them in the way they should go, so it may go well with them. We want them to be healthy, confident, and to know they are beautifully and wonderfully made. We want them to keep their childlike faith, and we want them to be a light in this world. We want them to “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks [them] to give the reason for the hope that [they] have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” (1 Pet 3:15) We want them to be confident, to have good manners, to be compassionate, to be respectful, and to be humble in spirit. That’s a tall order for a teacher, and frankly I’m not sure they’d be able to comply at our local school. Honestly, I’m not sure I can do it either, but I’d rather trust God to work through us than leave it up to a stranger.


Now back to Julie. Me. Some background on my desire to be at home with children:

The Early Years
            Even as early as second grade, I remember the “What do you want to do when you grow up?” question was puzzling to me. We were having a career day. Each student had to choose a job, find a children’s book related to that job, choose a costume, and then we went to the younger grades and read our stories to the children and discussed “What we wanted to be when we grew up.” I particularly remember this one being hard for me. What do you want to be, Julie? The answer was simple to me. It was clear. A mama. And mamas stay at home and work. That is what my mama does. She takes care of the home, takes care of me. That is what I want to do. But no one else was choosing this, and it seemed to me the criteria was something you got paid to do. But I didn’t want to get paid doing what I felt God wanted me to do. So for the first time, the earliest time in my life, a trend that continued, I remember thinking to myself, “Well, I guess I’ll be a teacher cause I want to be a mom, and I can learn to teach other kids before I have my own.” I remember reading “Miss Nelson is Missing” and dressing in my Sunday best for my costume. (Remember when our teachers actually wore dresses all the time? Haha…I remember Fridays being the only day they could wear jeans.)
            Sixth grade. We moved from one state to the next. It was quite a transition. Please understand I’m not being a snob by saying this. But school was WAY different. I was blessed with a very, very good school district at that time in the early 90s where we previously lived. Challenging, opportunities,our school had money (which certainly didn’t hurt), and parents and teachers who really cared and were really involved. Don’t get me wrong. Parents and teachers cared in my new school, too, education was good too, but something was different. State standards? Local leadership? Economics? I little bit of everything. I don’t know, but this was the first time I realized that not all schools were the same, and I wondered why. This wasn’t fair, I thought. But it is simple fact that we all understand, and our government spends hours and money trying to make our schools equal by setting these standards…ugh I won’t even start on that. Anyway, I was enrolled at the elementary that was supposedly one of the best schools in town at that time. And this was when I began to dislike school. I was bored out of my mind. I was immediately labeled “the brain.” Something changed in my sixth grade year. I no longer felt challenged. I no longer really cared. I learned how to “play the game” of school. Do what I can to get the grade. Who cares about really learning? Just memorize and move on. Forget… until you have to regurgitate for the next time…Maybe a large part of it was peer pressure, too, and I didn’t even fully realize it. I can’t learn more, or Brain’s brain will be the size of Texas. (something I hope we can avoid with homeschooling!)
            And then that dreaded question came up again. “What do you want to be when you grow up, Julie?” It was during a sixth grade English lesson. My teacher, who also happened to be a member our local church, directed her question to me in front of the class. All their heads turned to hear my answer, and I remember my face getting hot. “Ummm…I really just want to be a stay at home mom.”
            “What?!” my teacher shouted in surprise with a little chuckle. “Is that it? Come on. With YOUR brains don’t you want to be like a brain surgeon or something like that?”
            “No…. I just want to stay at home with my children.”
            “But you may not have kids. You may not get married. What do you want to do?”
            Inside my mind, I thought. Well, then I guess I’ll stay at home and learn how to keep a home. Teach Bible class. Live with mom and dad until I find Mr. Right because I know it will happen. I’ve prayed for my future husband for as long as I can remember. God will answer my prayer.
            “Surely you want to do more?” the teacher asks, laughs, and then moves on to ask another kid.
            I guess I put a kink in whatever point she was trying to make.
            And I went home and cried that day. Another Christian laughed at the fact that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. She laughed at what my mom does for me.

College
            So what is an All-American girl suppose to do when she graduates high school? Go to college right? That is what everyone expects. But I still just wanted to be married some day, have children, and fulfill my role as wife and mother…at home.
            But I enrolled at the University of Central Oklahoma for my first semester. I joined a few friends as roommates, enjoyed meeting new people, learned new things, but something was still missing. I was dating, for the first time, another young Christian man, who held the same beliefs as me, but he was immature and not serious about marriage yet. I was just too naïve to see how immature he really was. Blinded by love and the idea that I was finally dating someone that held all the same beliefs (biblically) that I did. However, he never seemed too keen on the fact that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Just because a person is raised in the church too, doesn’t mean they are right for you…nor does that mean that they always behave like a Christian either. And it doesn't always mean you'll be a better Christian, by dating another Christian.
            But second semester of college rolled around, and I thought that I really needed to start thinking about a major. I had originally chosen photography. I liked using my camera, and I felt it was a career I could keep even when I got to become that stay at home mom I dreamed of someday. But I started to feel pressure somewhere. Photography was more of a hobby, I thought. (This was back when dSLRs weren’t available to every Joe on the corner and every Joe didn’t want to be a photographer.) I needed to choose something. I really enjoyed the medical field. I took a particular interest in radiology---prenatal ultrasounds specifically. My advisor said, “Now it is really difficult to make the cut at OU med school for this career. You have to make the grades.” And that is what I needed to hear. The Brain could do it. She could do anything. But in my heart of hearts I thought…I’ll just do this until I can have a family.
            I enrolled in a ton of science and math classes for the next semester, but over Christmas break some family problems with my brother rolled in again. I felt my anxiety begin to grow for him again. Just like my junior year of high school, when all these problems began with my brother and my world came crashing down around me…. I was worried sick about him. He didn’t seem to be the God-fearing Christian man he used to be. My heart was breaking for him. It was like he died. Part of me died.
I started having these headaches over Christmas break. Strange pains I’d never had before. My parents were out of town visiting my other brother when I called them in the middle of the night and asked them to come home. I was sick. Something was wrong in my head. I started having all this anxiety like something was wrong with me. Long story short, I checked out okay at the ER. My potassium levels were low though, so I had to eat more bananas, drink OJ, etc. No tumor in my head.
And then I had these awful barbituates for my headaches. The caffeine in these meds only made my anxiety worse. I had anxiety over my brother, over my relationship, over college, choosing a career that I didn’t 100% really want. The new semester started. Overload of classes. An obnoxious math professor. Changes. Where is my brother? What am I doing here? I just want to be a housewife someday. I miss my boyfriend. Where is my brother? What am I doing in college? I just want to be at home. Taking care of the home. Where is my brother? What am I doing here?
And my heart starts racing in my chest. What on earth is going on? It is pounding. I can’t calm it down. Am I dying? Have I been “good enough?” How silly. I can’t be “good enough” for God. What is wrong with me? I don’t want to be here. I wanna go home. Ugh! Slow down heart. Am I dying? I wanna go home.
My parents came and got me from school. That night, I ended up in the ER again. Doctor said I had a full blown anxiety attack. Heart rate was 144 beats per minute, but I hadn’t been running. I was sitting there shaking uncontrollably. It was the scariest thing I’d ever felt.
But I was home. Finally home.
And that is when the depression set in.
For one, it was like I was having this battle between me and God. It was like I didn’t think I could ever be good enough for him. I had to come full circle and remember what His Grace is for. Of course, I can never be “good enough.” That is why he extended His Grace when I obeyed his command. I met the blood of Christ in baptism, and I had to trust in His promises. Christ’s blood would continue to cleanse me as I walked in the Light.
But a lot of it was just the anxiety and depression sinking in. I really was sick. I let others’ expectations of me take control. My parents never put these expectations on me. It was society. Peers. Teachers. I am so thankful that my parents said it was okay for me to come home and do nothing for a while.
My lost brother showed up on our doorstop one night. That helped.
I was able to spend more time with my boyfriend too. We grew closer, but deep down I knew he was not what I needed. Even though he was a Christian, he would not be the husband I dreamed of, prayed for. I was in denial and holding on to this dream that I could be his housewife. Isn’t that a phrase for society? A big no no. Ironically, the popular song my freshman year of college was “Independent Women” by Destiny’s Child.
It wasn’t until a few years down the road that I realized  what I needed. I didn’t need to focus on being a housewife. I needed to focus on being a Christian. Becoming the woman God wanted me to be for Him. Put that first, and then the blessing of being a housewife, the answer to my prayers, would come along. (And it did, but more on that in a minute.)
During my semester off of college, I went over to my aunt Donna’s house from time to time. A mother of 8, she was homeschooling her youngest four girls. I remember how ignorant I was about homeschooling. I was helping teach the girls one day, and I was thinking they should know this or that by a certain age, but I soon realized that all that didn’t matter. They learned at their own pace. They helped each other learn, and most importantly, they enjoyed being with each other. They spent a lot of their time being very creative. Just watch the home videos they made---commercials, Martha Stewart cooking, newscasts. Nothing can replace those memories they made. I felt like I was sold. I wanted to homeschool my kids someday.
I eventually ended up in college again and this time at the University of Oklahoma. I was single and focusing on finding myself. Sure, I dated again (too much). Fell hard a few more times, but kept my head on straight, and I went for and stuck with a degree in Elementary Education. I figured I could use the knowledge I gained in my future homeschooling. It was kind of ironic because people would ask me why I wanted to be a public school teacher, and I’d say, “Well, I like kids, and I like to teach, but that is really just the backup plan. I’m getting this degree hopefully for my future children.”
Now let me interject this right here---I in no way believe you must have a degree to teach your children. This was just something I wanted to do, and it was the right time in my life for it. I in no way regret obtaining my degree either. I am proud of it, and I do believe it helps me a great deal.
Then I began dating James in my last year of college. He wanted what I wanted. He valued what I valued. The rest is history.

Conclusion
I wish I hadn’t felt pressure to be a certain way. To do a certain thing. It should have been just fine in my mind to stay at home and help my mom and learn how to run a household. I didn’t have to go to college because everyone else was. I put those pressures on myself because of society. Do I regret going to college now? No. I have so many wonderful friends and memories. Does every woman have to go to college to be worthwhile? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Stay busy in the Lord’s work should be #1. Work hard. Do your best at whatever you do. Don't be lazy. Financial needs will work out just fine.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my gosh Julie! Our stories are so similar and you remind me so much of myself! I have wanted to be a wife, mother and homemaker for as long as I can remember. I went to a wonderful school district but I always felt like I was not good enough because even though I was smart and got good grades I did not feel passionate about doing anything with my education. I too dreaded the, "what do you want to be" question. College was AWFUL! I just wanted to meet a man who would be proud to have me as a wife, homemaker and mother. I went all the way through grad school because I didn't know what else to do where thankfully I started dating Andy and got married shortly thereafter.

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